Started an interesting conversation string recently. It made me think about success and most importanly made me think about what it is for me. The conclusion I got to is;
Success is having a peaceful but interesting life without too much pain and suffering. That is the only success I am striving for. Any other form of success is only an illusion that may bring only momentary pleasures.
I have travelled all over the world and learned, if nothing else, one important thing; success is measured in how many people truly loves us for who we are and how much we love ourselves. These factors alone determine the quality of our lives.
Sadly, I may have learned all these rather late in life (hopefully not too late though). Partly due to my restlessness in the past I have not developed any deep relationships. The hardest thing was about moving back to the UK after 8 years of being all over the place is creating new friendships. It's much harder in this environment where most people in my age group already have a circle of friends and families. On the 'beach' it was easy, everyone is on their own and open up more readily. Those 'foreigners' who choose life in developing countries also seem much less likely to be critical or judgemental.
I am nor sure how long I can stay put. It's been 5 years since I came back and nothing so far has made me want to stay in the UK. Doing crapy jobs like working in a cafe to survive is not my ideal image for the future and it makes me miserable. Getting a job in a design field is hard. I learned this during my work placement year when even getting an unpaid job was a struggle.
(I can't even get a job interview because of my surname??? - no joke! I was told this by a career advisor. (Too many Eastern Europeans too many prejudices) - There seems to be an asumption that if someone has an accent, that person is is not 100% capable. It's just one of the huge hurdles I must overcome every time. The other is explaining my work history. "Ah you have done so many things..." - people in positions of power (like recruitment) often seem to be the very people who shouldn't be there. Narrow minded, unimaginative and inflexible. I am tired of trying to conform, takes up so much energy.
But I haven't yet given up on trying to get a job I like. This would enable me to stay and to focus on important things like becoming a better person :o), Make friends of similar interests, settle down finally to a peacefull but interesting life. That is afterall what I'd call a success.
On the last post card I have ever received from a dear friend who took his own life, he wrote "Hope that the universe has been gentle to you on your journey " I wish it had been gentler on his! But I've learned that the 'universe' has very little to do with it. As long as we stay positive, everything is possible.
So now I am off to get a presciption od Prozac. Smile'ya latter! :o)
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